Can't Be Saved
by EmelyeUchiha
Summary: After confronting Soubi about Seimei's order to love him, Ritsuka orders Soubi to leave. But shortly afterward, Ritsuka slips into a coma. No one, other than Soubi, knows why. Will Soubi be able to fix his mistake before it's too late? SoubiXRitsuka [Old story]
1. I'm Stuck In A Coma

Mwoohoohahahaha! Just when you thought you were rid of me, here I am again! With..._another_ Loveless story?!??!! What are the chances, right? Well, I got a good idea, and I thought it would go good with Loveless. Plus, when I tryed to write other stories, the people seemed too OOC.

So you have to put up with my sappy OOC Loveless stories for now. :P Ha! But seriously, this story isn't going to be as _sad_ as my last Loveless story, if you know what I mean. I'm going to "do" what I "did" in the last Loveless story.

**Disclaimer::LE GASP!:: I don't own Loveless. ::le cry...:: Nor do I own Senses Fail or any of their music, including "Can't be Saved" from which I got the story title and lyrics at the beginning.**

I hope you'll enjoy the first chapter:

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_Follow your bliss, it reads on my chest. I know I got it tattooed for a reason. Why can't I just hold it true? 'Cause I'm still crashing all the funerals of these people that I never knew. Yeah! I'm stuck in a coma, stuck in a never-ending sleep. And some day I will wake up and realize I made up everything._

Who knew when it had all began? All that Soubi knew, was that here lay Ritsuka in one of the most terrible conditions he could be in. The underside of his arm had a big cut going from the shoulder to the bottom of his wrist, and the had several gashes across his face. But other than that, he looked just fine. No other body parts were harmed, nor was there any internal harm upon him. Several tests had been done, but none of the doctors could seem to figure it out. Why had this boy just suddenly gone into a coma?

Soubi felt as though he might know the answer. He didn't dare tell a soul, though. He sat in a chair beside of Ritsuka, partially because he felt half guilty for what was happening, and the other part was his love for his Sacrifice over taking him. He remembered the night before all this had happened, which had been merely two days ago.

_Soubi had snuck into Ritsuka's room for the third time that week. It was only 9:00, but still too late for a certain blonde to being crawling into the 12-year old's room. There was no excuse for Soubi to have to come into his room every single day, except for the fact that he claimed to 'love' Ritsuka. Which, the boy had told himself many times over that this was a pure lie. He had assured himself that Soubi was ordered by Seimei to love him, and there was nothing else to it than that. But still yet, the man would come to see him every night. Would pick him up from school everyday. So he gathered up his courage, and decided to settle this once and for all,_

_"Soubi!" Ritsuka was sitting at his computer desk looking down on the man resting in the floor, with his eyes content on the boy._

_"Yes?" he replied smoothly. At this, Ritsuka got off of his chair and sat straight in front of Soubi, making sure to keep his distance in fear of being pulled into another embrace, that had happened many times before._

_"W-what would you do if I were to tell you that I love you?" Ritsuka had tried to get it out quickly, but his voice box didn't seem to like him very much that night, because it came out more slowly then he had wanted. And what was more was that his eyes had been fixed on Soubi's the whole time, making things even more awkward._

_"Well, Ritsuka, you know that I would be very happy." Ritsuka had expected as much to come from him. And he had the perfect reply._

_"But _why_ would you be happy?" He knew exactly what was going to be said next, and how this conversation was going to go._

_"Because I love you." Exactly as planned. Ritsuka praised himself in his mind, about to make another statement that would get Soubi into a tighter spot._

_"But why do you love me?" Ritsuka asked. His face felt like it was burning immensely, and he prayed that he wasn't blushing. This next statement that was going to come from Soubi, Ritsuka wasn't sure of what it might be. He had an idea of what the man might say, but wished that it wasn't true. But even as he did, the answer still came. The one he had been most dreading to hear, and the one he had been most dreading to talk about. But they had to get this out of the way. Ritsuka had to get rid of these thoughts before they got any deeper._

_"Well I was ordered by Seimei to love you, and-." Soubi didn't get to finish his 'and...' for Ritsuka had cut him off, upon hearing his first words._

_"And that's the _only_ reason! You don't just claim to love someone because you were ordered to. You _can't_ love someone if you were ordered to! It would be the same as me ordering you to love Yuiko, or Yayoi. You would try, and you would claim to 'love' them, but you wouldn't really feel that emotion at all!" Ritsuka let go of all his feelings he had built up on this subject. His heart felt like it had been ripped and clawed at by the deadliest beast there was. He was so sick of Soubi's lies. So sick of hearing those three words escape the man's lips, knowing, each time they were said, that they meant nothing at all. Ritsuka was just sick of it all. Soubi, who had been listening intently to the boy, went to finish what he was saying before Ritsuka interrupted him, when he did it once more. "I want you to leave Soubi! I don't want to see you for a while, I need some time to think!" tears threatened to come from Ritsuka's eyes as he pointed toward the balcony where the man had entered from. "And...and that's an o-order!" he choked out. He really didn't feel like crying in front of Soubi at this time. But he couldn't suppress his feelings that had been built up for so long though, they all just came pouring out of him. Soubi walked toward the balcony and stepped onto it. He turned his head to the side, so that he could see his crying Sacrifice._

_"I'm sorry..." he apologized._

That night, Soubi had so wanted to finish what he was about to say, but an order was an order no matter how much he yearned to be with the boy. And to explain that he loved him much more than the power Seimei's orders could have. He would love the boy even if the order had never been given. But right now, it wasn't looking as if Ritsuka would ever be able to know this. He was stuck in a coma for now. Soubi could only pray that it wouldn't be for long.

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Short, no? I know. All my first chapters are short. And that's because I don't want to go all out for the first chapter if people are going to think my story is crap. So tell me what you thought, by clicking that button down there, and you'll get a longer second chapter. Come on, don't be lazy. I accept anonymous reviews too. -AlchemistVyolet 


	2. Stuck In A Never Ending Sleep

Whew! This chapter took some work. I've got a beta now! Yay! It's my friend, Tuesday. She helped me out alot on this chapter, so I'm hoping there are no mistakes! I realized that last time I made alot of typos. Such as: I said I _was_ going to "do" what I "did" in the last Loveless story I wrote. O.O I meant to put that I _wouldn't_.

Thanks for all the reviews on the first chapter! I hope all of you and more keep reading! It means alot to me:  
**Tsubasa-love:** Thank you so much! You have stuck faithful with all of my Loveless stories. You should really get an account on here, it would make it alot easier for you. Thanks for the review!  
**Lovelesswithoutlove: **I'll have to go check your stories out sometime! I barely have any time to do anything as of right now. School is murdering me, and it took everything I had to write this new chapter lol. But as soon as I get some time, I'll be sure to check it out! Thanks for the review!  
**IsuzuForever:** Haha, thanks! I'm glad that you think so, but my stories really aren't that great. I just get random ideas that come into my head at school, so I really have no talent for thinking up plots for stories. But I'm glad you liked the first chapter, and I hope you'll enjoy this one and keep reading! There are only going to be 3 or 4 chapters, I'm thinking. Thanks for the review!  
**Sasskitten:** Ugh, your muses are the smex. I may have to adopt me some to lighten up my super-angsty stories! lol But I just can't help but make Ritsuka suffer, can I:D Thanks for the review!  
**MiseryGates: **Hello my Arusome Beta!!! Woo! Thank you so much for helping me out with this chapter. Hopefully I'll get more readers without so many errors. lol Talk to ya later! Thanks for the review!  
**Lady Kon Kaidou:** Le Brittany! I am glad you like my story. Keep reading girl, because it only gets better. I won't kill him this time either! lol Lylas! Ichiruki Ichiruki...Thanks for the review!

**Disclaimer: Don't own Loveless, don't own Senses Fail.  
**Enjoy Chapter Two!:

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I shut the door and turn all the lights out. And listen to all the songs that the night shouts. They go something just like this... So go fill up a glass with tonic rocks and gin and drink yourself to happiness. I'm stuck in a coma, stuck in a never-ending sleep. And some day I will wake up and realize I made up everything._

Soubi sat upon the floor below a giant canvas, Kio sat not far away. They were both silent as they painted their artwork. They acted normal, everything looked normal, and they painted normally. But Kio could sense the tenseness coming from the man beside of him. It had all began three nights ago. Kio had gotten a phone call from Soubi that he wouldn't be able to paint with him for a few days. When asked why, Soubi merely replied that he'd tell Kio later, and now was later. Kio wanted answers as to why his friend was so tense. Every few seconds, he would glace towards Soubi's way in hope that he might remember his promise.

"Kio, you won't get any work done by looking at me." Soubi had known all along that Kio was wanting answers. He sighed in defeat and put his brush down. "You want to know what happened, right?" Soubi was now facing the other blonde, who had a sucker in his mouth. Kio had not excepted this so soon, but even so, he also put _his_ brush down as well, and faced Soubi. "Well the other night when I went to see Ritsuka after we had gotten into an argument..."

_It was a few hours since Ritsuka had ordered him to leave that night, and Soubi had come to explain what he hadn't gotten to earlier. To his surprise, the window on the balcony was unlocked, and slightly cracked. Soubi hadn't expected it to be, after all, it never was when Ritsuka was angry at him. He slipped quietly into the cold room. It seemed more quiet than usual, but the light for Ritsuka's room was on. Soubi glanced around the room, looking for his Sacrifice, but no Ritsuka. He looked under the bed for the boy. No Ritsuka. He looked in the closet. No Ritsuka. But a small spot on the floor caught his eye...it was a _red_ spot. Soubi's mind was now rushing. He frantically followed the drops of red that led to Ritsuka's bed. He was shocked at what he saw. Ritsuka lay between the bed and the wall, his eyes shut tightly, and Soubi could see his still-moist face from where he had been crying. But he also saw something else, there were many cuts all over his cheeks, and partially on his neck. He was holding onto his left arm with his hand tightly. Tears started streaming from Ritsuka's still-closed eyes as Soubi brushed his hand against Ritsuka's shoulder preparing to pick him up. But before he even knew what was happening, all emotion left Ritsuka's pale face._

_"R-Ritsuka?!" Soubi tried to keep his voice down, for it was now midnight, and Ritsuka's mother was surely in bed at this hour. He picked the boy's limp body up, and laid him on the bed. His hand was moved away from his arm now, and Soubi could see a long cut going from the boy's shoulder to the bottom of his wrist _(A/N: Ritsuka had a short-sleeved shirt on)_ The wound still bleeding, and the rise and fall of Ritsuka's chest as he breathed told Soubi that he was still alive. He shook Ritsuka lightly, not wanting to hurt him. "Ritsuka! What's wrong? What happened to you?!" he pleaded with the comatose boy for an answer. None came...he picked him up and rushed off of the balcony._

As Soubi finished his account of what happened just a mere three nights ago, Kio's eyes widened in surprise for a moment, but soon after, his face twisted into a more apologetic look.

"And I feel as if it is my fault. No. I know that it's my fault. Why else would Ritsuka do such a thing?" he gave a glance to his canvas, that composed of...none other than a butterfly. Only, unlike the other times, this butterfly seemed a bit distorted in a way. It was not an error in his painting. Kio could tell that Soubi had done this on purpose. When painting, Soubi would always put his heart into his butterflies, Kio had noticed. Whatever mood he was in, or whatever emotion he was feeling at the time, that was the way his butterfly would come out. Kio was almost afraid to ask, but decided against his better judgement and asked anyway,

"So...how did he get all of the cuts?" of course Soubi knew the answer to this question, but Kio, himself had an idea of what had gone on. He was merely confirming his suspicion. Soubi looked a bit troubled for a second, then sighed.

"While I was carrying him to the hospital, I noticed that even though he was in a comatose state, his hand was clenched tightly around something. And that thing...it was a razor blade." This was all that Soubi had to say, Kio understood. But one thing that baffled the both of them was: Why would Ritsuka get so depressed over an order given by his brother for Soubi to love him? Soubi wondered this. Ritsuka didn't love the man, or so he claimed, so he couldn't be mad about _that_. And he wouldn't be angry at his brother for giving Soubi orders, this was a normal thing between Sentouki and Sacrifice. Ritsuka often did it, himself. So why such somber emotions toward the subject? Soubi wasn't sure. Ritsuka acted strangely like that often times, but he would never understand why the boy would go to such great lengths of pain, just because of one simple subject? If Ritsuka ever woke up, Soubi would be sure to ask him this question.

"Maybe I'll go visit him with you tomorrow." Kio stated, breaking the silence that had been in the room. He turned back to his canvas and started to paint again, "I know how much that kid means to you, and it hurts me to see you sad like this, Sou-chan." his voice had been a bit muffled because of the sucker, which he had just removed. "I'm sure if you talk to him everyday, he'll eventually snap out of it, and come back. In the meantime, you should go tell those mischievous demons what is going on. They'd probably like to visit Ritsuka too." Soubi smiled a bit, hearing Kio call the Zero boys 'mischievous demons,' and stood up, following Kio's advice. The sucker was plopped back into Kio's mouth, and he continued to paint. Soubi went into the kitchen to find the two of them playing cards on the floor. 'Why the floor?' he wondered briefly before approaching the two.

"Hey Soubi." Natsuo stated, still glaring attentively at the cards he was holding. "Where have you been these past two days?" Sometimes Soubi questioned if the two maybe had a supernatural ability to see what was going on in his head, for he was just about to he explain where he had been.

"It's Ritsuka." he answered them truthfully, kneeling down beside of the two. "He's in the hospital." Hearing this, both of the boys lowered their cards to look up at the man before them.

"What for?" asked Youji curiously as he sat the cards down to turn around fully, so he could look at Soubi's face while he spoke.

"Well... he's in a coma, but the doctors aren't sure why." Soubi wasn't going to give them all the information that he had given to Kio. They needn't know. That part of the story shouldn't concern them. The two of them were still looking at him as if waiting for more details. Soubi just decided on, "Do you two want to go see him with me tomorrow?" They picked their cards up and continued their game as if they weren't interested, although they were.

"Sure." Natsuo answered for the both of them. And it was settled. Soubi nodded his head, and stood up once more.

"I'll be leaving a bit early in the morning." he informed the two before walking out of the kitchen, leaving them to their game.

It was now 1:00am and Soubi couldn't seem to get to sleep. There were so many unanswered questions. One, for instance, that he was truly unable to figure out at all, was: 'Why wasn't his mother worried?' Her son had been missing for two days now, but yet she just continued on living as if nothing were the matter. When he had taken Ritsuka to the hospital, he had to lie, telling the doctor that he was Ritsuka's brother. And that he was raising Ritsuka because both of their parents were dead. Surprisingly, they asked no questions. They were mostly just rushing to get the 6th grader to a room, instead of worrying about his family matters. But they would surely have to sort everything out later. And Soubi, himself, might have to confront Ritsuka's mother. He had tried to keep the "friendship" between the two of them a secret, for it was what Ritsuka wanted, but he might not have a choice. Ritsuka might die... 'No.' he didn't want to think about such things. It would mean that Ritsuka would have died because of him. Because of _Soubi_. He would never be able to forgive himself if that happened. But right now, all he could do was take things one day at a time. And right now, was the time to sleep, he decided. He could sort some more things out in the morning...or at least he hoped so. This was his last thought before falling asleep.

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You like the second chapter?? Huh, huh? It _was_ a page longer even if it didn't seem like it! lol Review and the next chapter will be longer! 


	3. And Some Day I Will Wake Up

OO You all are welcome to throw any and all blunt and/or sharp objects that you have at me. I apologize more deeply than you can imagine for taking nearly a month to update! School has been seriously hectic, and plus I had the biggest writer's block you can ever imagine. I asked several of my friends for ideas on this chapter, but for one I would like to credit Sasskitten and my good friend Lucas for some wonderful ideas which I used in this chapter. Oh, and I have a muse now, whom also helped me out. His name is Rutou (his real name is disclosed, because he didn't want me saying it) and so I picked out one of my favorite names. He is eight, and he is emo beyond belief, but he helps encourage me to write more on my fanfics and has helped me immensely in finishing this chapter! He hates soup and mean people. He likes hugs though, so feel free to hug him. Enough ranting for now.

Disclaimer: I do not own Loveless, Yun Kouga does. Don't own Senses Fail either...

Thank you GREATLY for all of your reviews, I hope all of you are still hanging in here with me, and not given up:

**IsuzuForever: **Ehh, is the frownie face good or bad? I'm sorry if you didn't like that chapter, or maybe you just thought it was sad maybe? But anyway, thanks so much for your review, and I hope you'll enjoy this next chapter. :)  
**Loolz: **I'm sorry I took so long to update, my school hates me, and apparently my mind does too. It wouldn't let me think of ideas. I'm really glad you like it so far, and I hope you'll keep reading! Thanks so much for your review:)  
**GaliStar07:** Hi, thanks for your review, I appreciate it a lot. I'm glad that you like it so far, and hopefully you'll like the way this story ends, which is going to happen in another chapter or so, so I hope you'll continue to read! Thanks again for reviewing:)  
**XxTypoMasterxX: **Yep! That's me, I write and love the angst of it all. But I also like happy endings...when they're necessary anyway ;) Sorry it took me so long to update, and I hope you'll continue reading. Thanks so much for your review:)  
**LilyPika:** I'm really pleased that you like it so far. I apologize that it took me so long to update, you can throw things at me if you want :D I hope you'll continue reading, and thanks so much for your review:)  
**CrymsonTear: **XD I've never really written a cutter fic before, but I know how stuff like that goes, if ya know what I mean D; But anyway, I'm really glad that you like this fic so far, and I hope you'll continue reading it, and haven't given up on me from my lack of updating. Thanks so much for your review:)  
**Tsubasa-love: **Yep, good endings make the world go round, of course bad endings make the world umm...never mind I have no idea what I'm talking about XD Thanks for putting up with me, and thanks so much for your review:)  
**Sasskitten: **Ha, you like my muse? Even though he hasn't really made any appearance yet lol He is based on a real 8 year old boy I know. I talked to him one day about not being able to think of anything to write, and he helped me a lot. He's so emo, and very mature acting for his age. He cries a lot too lol I just love him to death, so now he's my muse! XD Glad you liked my chapter, thanks so much for the review:)  
**Lady Kon Kaidou: **Writer's block is officially OVER dude!! XDD I'm so excited I finally got to write this chappie. Of course, thanks to you, and Sasskitten, and Rutou of course ;P Ha, thanks for reviewing:)  
**AlessaLoveless: **School does ruin everything, doesn't it? XD That's fine that you weren't able to write much though, I'm really happy to know that you like it! I'm sorry it took so long to update, writer's block is the murderer of all authors. But thanks so much for the review:)  
**MiseryGates: **Nice beta, good beta, faithful beta::pets your head:: Thanks for reviewing:)

Finally, onto the story:_

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We can all hang ourselves from gold chandeliers. And drink goodbye to all, all the pain and fears. Loose lips have sunk this ship, to a shallow grave. Washed up upon the rocks. I won't be saved. I won't be saved. I'm stuck in a coma, stuck in a never-ending sleep. And some day I will wake up and realize I gave up everything.

"Are you coming?" Soubi was trying to wake up Youji and Natsuo, who insisted on sleeping. The boys had said that they were planning on going with him today, but they couldn't seem to wake up at 7:00am. Youji rolled over, grabbing onto his Sentouki's arm.

"We should get up." he whispered into Natsuo's ear, receiving a nod from the other boy.

"Kio is meeting us there." Soubi said to the two, leaving them be. He trusted the Zero boys enough to know that they could get up and ready on their own, without his own consent. They had taken care of themselves for their whole life, why wouldn't they be able to now? And so, without any more struggling, the two of them finally climbed out of the bed.

Soubi had decided that the sky must love him. For the past few days, the sky had been ever-so cloudy. And not just ordinary clouds either, these were _rain_ clouds. And that was what Soubi could not figure out. There had been no rain, only the clouds for several days. Maybe it was like him? He began to wonder. He had all these feelings of sadness built up inside of him, but he was unable to let him emotions go, and freely show other how he was truly feeling. No one would be able to understand how hurt and worried he was feeling at the moment. No one _could_ understand. It was only Ritsuka and himself that night. No one else could actually know what went on. Sure, he could give details of what happened, descriptive ones, at that. But still, no one could feel the way he felt, which was also another reason he was unable to let his emotions out. He would only look weak in the process, given that no one could feel the way he did at the time.

He kept repeating to himself over and over as he sat with Youji and Natsuo on the bus that everything would surely be alright. Nothing _that_ serious, such as Ritsuka witnessing a death of someone he loved, had happened. He had merely mistaken Soubi's words. Something such as that wouldn't be able to make him _die_, would it?

Looking at his watch it read 7:20. Hopefully, although extremely doubtfully, maybe Ritsuka will have awoken by the time they got there. Soubi noticed that Youji and Natsuo were being unusually silent, and he looked at them in questioning. Noticing this look, Natsuo looked back at him.

"Soubi..."Natsuo began. This sudden speech caught Youji's attention. He turned to look at the both of them. "What exactly happened to make Ritsuka go into a coma?" Soubi knew that this question would come from one of the two sometime. So he had made sure he was fully prepared with an answer. He knew that they could both tell that he knew something more than the doctor did.

"I made him...very upset. I'm not sure if that is the reason behind this all yet, but I'm assuming that it is. I haven't informed the doctor of any of this information though." Soubi informed the two intently listening boys.

"Hm." was Natsuo's reply before turning from the man, and resting his eyes upon whatever he was preoccupied with before asking the question. Youji did the same, averting his attention to the window again. It was so difficult to read what the Zero boys were thinking most of the time. It was as if they had a protective barrier that wouldn't let anyone be able to read what they were thinking. He wasn't sure if they were _mad_ at him 'Surly not...' Or if they were just greatly concerned for Ritsuka. The decision was hard to make. Youji and Natsuo didn't seem to care for anyone but each other when he had first met them, but maybe over the past year they had loosened up a bit, and had started to sort of consider other people friends. He was sure that they'd never admit to it anyway though, so he just left the topic alone.

Arriving at the hospital proved difficult...for Soubi at least. There were so many shiny...sharp...objects around that the two boys before him could get a hold of. It was as if having to watch two toddlers to make sure they didn't stick their finger in the light socket. Except the two toddlers felt no pain, and were much more devious. He hoped they would behave themselves this time. And apparently he was proved right as they reached Ritsuka's room. Soubi knocked lightly on the door...expecting Kio to be in the room since they hadn't seen him anywhere so far. He opened the door when no one came. His eyes were brought to the still comatose boy before him. He looked so helpless. But where was Kio? Soubi decided he would figure this out later, as he approached Ritsuka. He pulled a seat up beside of his bed like he did every time he was there and held his hand. Youji and Natsuo started to walk toward the door,

"We're going to find a phone to call Kio." Natsuo informed him, although Soubi felt as if they had an ulterior motive behind leaving the room. He gave them a look as if to say 'Don't touch anything.' but he saw the sincerity in Natsuo's eyes as he smiled at him. Maybe they really _did_ care for Ritsuka, more than what they already showed, that is. As they left the room, Soubi turned back around to face his defenseless Sacrifice.

"Ritsuka..." he whispered, still clenching onto the boy's pale hand. "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me for what I have done to you." he rubbed his thumb over Ritsuka's knuckles. But unbeknownst to Soubi's knowledge, Ritsuka was receiving a small bit of what he was saying to the younger boy.

Ritsuka was in a giant sea. Well, he wasn't sure if it was an sea or not, but he knew that he was surrounded by water. Somehow, however, he found that he was able to breathe.

"I'm so sorry..." he heard a faint whisper. He opened his eyes to find that there were no fish, or sea-plant life in the least. He was just in a giant vat of water, that was crystal clear. He glanced around to see where the voice had come from. But he saw no one. 'It sounded like...Soubi.' he thought, finding himself frowning. 'But Soubi doesn't love me. Why would he worry?' he told himself, 'Because Seimei _ordered_ him to worry.' his inner mind replied. His heart yearned to fight back to his mind's thoughts. His mind was pitted against Soubi, while his heart so longed for everything he thought to be untrue. "Please forgive me for what I have done to you..." he heard the faint whisper coming from somewhere within the sea once again. 'It is Soubi! He's looking for you!' his heart screamed. 'But it is only because Seimei had ordered him to look.' his mind replied. Was everything that Soubi said; everything that Soubi did, all just an order? He wondered this briefly as his mind and heart continued their battle. Ritsuka clutched onto his head. "Please come back to me..." came the same voice. And although Ritsuka was surrounded by water from all angles and every side of him, he felt himself crying. He _knew_ he was. He yearned to be with Soubi again, but part of his was so scared that it was all just an order, that he couldn't bring himself to go and look for him. 'He misses you!' screamed his heart, 'It was an order to miss you.' replied his mind, 'He wants you to come back to him!' came his heart's response, and his mind recoiled back, 'It was all just an _order_.'

"Soubi..." was the single word that came from Ritsuka's lips as Soubi's head shot up to look at him. Had he just said his name? Of course, who else could've said it?

"R-Ritsuka?" the blonde stuttered, stand up from his chair to move closer to Ritsuka's face, as if he wouldn't be able to hear him say anything the next time around. But there wasn't a next time around as Youji and Natsuo entered the room again. Soubi shot the boys a look.

"We couldn't get a hold of Kio. His cell phone is even turned off." Youji explained, rubbing the back of his head as if he were a bit worn out.

"I see." Soubi replied. He wondered if he had only imagined Ritsuka speaking to him for a minute. He had been the only one in the room, so he couldn't ask the Zero boys about it. Natsuo seemed to notice a small scratch peeking out from the bandage that Ritsuka had had placed around his left arm. He traveled over to near where Soubi was, lifting the bandage slightly to see a fairly deep cut.

"What happened here?" he looked curiously at the older man, who was now standing. Soubi sighed. 'I suppose I'll just have to tell them the whole story after all.' But after seeing Natsuo's reaction earlier, when he had given him the 'don't touch anything' look, he believed that he might be able to trust the two of them with such information.

After finishing the entire story, the two Zero's were silent. They hadn't exactly expected _that_. Soubi wasn't entirely sure, but he felt as if the two of them understood him a little more now. He contemplated on telling them about hearing Ritsuka speak. Although, he wasn't completely sure that he had _actually_ heard the boy, or if it was merely a figment of his imagination. So he decided against the idea.

"Oi, Soubi." he heard Youji say from beside of Natsuo. Soubi gave him a look showing that he was listening. "We're going to go find Kio. He might've died on the way." he giggled slightly, taking Natsuo's hand in his own, heading for the door.

"You see...it's my friend. You know the one." Kio sat upon a familiar couch that he has resided on before. The person he was speaking to nodded, and scribbled something on the paper in front of herself. "Well, _his _friend. You know, the one he was stalking? Well he's in a coma, and I'm really concerned for my friend. It's been only three days since _his_ friend went into the coma, but he's falling apart. He doesn't know what to do anymore." Sensei paused a moment. She knew good and well who Kio was speaking of, unbeknownst to him. But could it really be true? Was Ritsuka truly in a coma? Well, that _would_ explain the reason that Ritsuka hadn't attended yesterday's session, but everyone missed things every once in a while, right? "But the bad thing is that my friend thinks that it's all his fault that his friend is in a coma." Kio proceeded to tell Katsuko-sensei the details of what Soubi had told _him_. It seemed as if more and more people just kept finding out about what happened and how _exactly_ it happened. Kio walked out of the dark building he had just been in seconds ago, deciding he would head down to the hospital instead of completely skipping the day that he and Soubi had planned. But just as he was about to head towards a bus stop, he saw two boys heading his way. These boys were very familiar to him, very familiar indeed.

"Kio!" came the voice of one. He felt like turning around and heading back in the building. He _seriously_ didn't feel like putting up with the two of them and their nonsense right now. "Oi! Kio! Where did you disappear to today?" Youji came up in front of Kio. Natsuo walked up to the left side of Youji, sharing the same confused look the other boy had on.

"No where." Kio lied. What the didn't know, wouldn't hurt them. "My alarm clock didn't go off, I just woke up and started to head over to the hospital." Youji and Natsuo seriously doubted this was the case, but simply went along with whatever Kio had to tell them.

"Hm." Youji said in response, turning around to head to the bus stop. Kio couldn't quite believe that they actually bought what he had just said, but decided to keep his mouth shut as he followed the both of them.

"Hey." Kio looked at the two boys sitting near him. They both looked at him in unison, giving Kio the feeling that they had been waiting for him to break the silence between the three. Kio had thought of something completely off the wall. He had wondered it from the day that he first started to get to know the mischievous boys. "Why do you still have ears? You two talk about how you're ready to lose them at any time." This out-of-nowhere question caught the both of them off guard. When they actually thought about it, neither of them had a legitimate reason to this.

"Who knows?" Youji replied.

"Whaaaat?!" Kio got confused, "Who knows? Surely you have a reason as to why you say you're ready to lose them, but you haven't yet." he tried to explain his reasoning more clearly, but only succeeded in saying the same facts he had said prior to this statement.

"I think maybe what he's trying to say is that when it happens, it happens. We're both ready, but that doesn't mean that we're necessarily going to lose them right now." Natsuo tried to explain in Youji's place. Kio understood now. He briefly wondered if the two of them were going to live with Soubi forever, but that was impossible. Like Natsuo had just said, they may be ready right now, but that didn't mean they were going to act right away. Just as they may be ready to leave Soubi's home, that didn't mean they were going to give up the comfort of it right away. He started to think, 'Maybe those boys are _smart_ ones after all...'

"So where did that question come from anyway, Kio?" Youji smirked at him, leaning closer to Natsuo. "Pervert wants to take our ears..." he whspered to the other boy, just loud enough to where Kio could hear him.

"I never said that!" Kio was now taking back any thoughts that he had had about these two being smart. Smart-_asses_ maybe, but definitely not in intelligent in any way. "You two are impossible to be around..."

When they arrived at the hospital for what seemed like forever- to Kio, anyway- they were met by Soubi near the entrance.

"We found Kio!" Natsuo yelled to Soubi, smiling. "He was being a pervert on the way here though." Kio gave them _both _a death glare, while following sluggishly behind. His eyes met to Soubi's figure standing near one of the many entrances to the hospital, and his mood did a complete three-sixty.

"Sou-chan!" he yelled, running up to Soubi, "Sorry I'm late. I-." he paused wondering if he should lie to Soubi as well. But with the Zero boys walking so near he decided that he had no choice. "...I over-slept. My alarm didn't go off." It was then that he noticed that Soubi hadn't said a word. To him, _or_ to Natsuo. "Sou-chan?" Soubi looked at Kio, and the next words he said were the most joyful words he had heard out of Soubi in the past three days.

"He's awake..."

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Cliffhangers kick ass! XD If anyone has _any_ ideas that you want me to use in the next chapter(the last chapter, as well) then tell me. They would be appreciated very much! Review and tell me what you thought of this chapter! XD And I'm not sure what this thingie at the bottom with my name is for, but it's neat looking!  
**© 2007** **AlchemistVyolet**


	4. And Realize I Gave Up Everything

Holy crap people, I'm SO sorry. PLEASE forgive me. I haven't updated in like FOREVER. But you have no idea how much stress I'm under during school right now. We're having achievement tests, and I've been like all over the place. But I fanally sat down and wrote this thing! And thank God it is over! This is the last chapter people. Please excuse any mistakes, for my beta isn't online right now, and I'm not gonna wait for her until tomorrow, cause I'm getting this damn thing posted! lol Thanks for ALL of the reviews, I got a crap load XD

**MiseryGates: **Oi, "faithful" beta. You weren't here to beta this chapter, but thanks for beta-ing the last one. Even though you were depressed when you were beta-ing it, and made a few mistakes lol. Stupid Dillan, Dillon, whatever. Thanks for the review:)  
**Tomomoomo:** lol your name was quite hard to write. XD Haha, nice idea, thank you so much for helping me out! I seriously appreciated it. You are the kind of people that modivate me to write more! Thanks so much for reviewing:)  
**Demonsil: **Hehe, sorry it took so long. I mean I'm SERIOUSLY sorry. It took like forever for me to update. Yes, yes, Kio is quite the pervert XD lol Thanks so much for reviewing:)  
**Loolz: **Yepperz, he's awake alright. ::crys:: you like, UNDERSTAND me! Holy crap, I hope you're still sticking with me in this story, cause near the end I got major writer's block, plus school was blowing my brains out. And I was like "zomg, this person here, understands!" and it motivated me. So thank you very much. And thanks so much for reviewing:)  
**XxTypoMasterxX: **Oh, typomaster, please don't kill me on this chapter. it probably has sooo many typos cause my beta is lazy lol. Yea, Iwas tired of him being in a coma, so I was like "screw it! It's _my_ story, so I say he wakes up!" lol Sorry it took forever for the update. Thanks so much for reviewing:)  
**IsuzuForever:** ::looks at shotgun for corner of eye:: umm...sorry for taking so long to update ::prays she doesn't get shot:: lol I'm glad you liked the last chapter, hopefully if you're still here, and not given up on me by now, you'll like that last one too. Thanks so much for reviewing:)  
**jean kitsune: **Hahaha! I just love the fangirl mode! It's awesome::goes in fangirl mode:: Likeomgritsukeandsoubiarelikegonnakissandlikehahaha sorry... Thanks so much for the review:)  
**GaliStar07: **Happy Chinese New Year to you too, even though it's long over now lol shows how long it's been since I've updated, huh? Well thank you so much for the review:)  
**KInasha14: **:o Thanks so much for the idea, you really helped me out alot! Thanks so much for reviewing too:)  
**AlessaLoveless: **Yepperz, last chapter. I was a bit sad myself, but also very relieved. It's one more things that I've gotten off of my shoulders. I'm sorry it took me so long to update, school, once again, was killing me lol Thank you so much for the idea, you helped me out alot! And thanks so much for reviewing:)  
**Momo-chan X3: **Yes, I believe I would be evil enough to give a cliffy. and also evil enough to not update in like three months, which I'm terribly sorry about!! lol Thanks so much for reviewing:)  
**Tsubasa-love: **lol nice, I don't want your ideas anyway! lol jokes...thanks so much for reviewing:)  
**LandUnderWave: **lol that made me laugh! XD Omg, I do feel really honered! Thank you for honering me with being your first non one-shot! lol I appreciate it. Thanks so much for reviewing too:)  
**Sasskitten: **Rutou: Hi ::blushes:: Haha, thanks for putting up with my not-writing-for-three-months deal thing lol I'm glad I finally go tot update! Thanks so much for reviewing:)  
**ahunmaster: **Aww well thank you very much. I feel honered that you like my story, and I appreciate it alot. Thanks so much for reviewing, and sorry it took me so long to update:)  
**IndigoNightandRayneStorm: **haha, you have a long name! I hope I didn't mess up on writing it. lol You left me 3!! reviews, that makes me all giddy! lol Sorry it took me so long to update. thanks so much for reviewing:)  
**Inner Dragon: **lol well that's ok. I got plenty of good ideas XD I'm glad you liked it, sorry for taking so long to update!! Thanks so much for reviewing:)  
**red eyed dragon: **lol yea, sorry about the cliffy. I gave Rutou a hug for you, he got so embarrassed! Yes, emos are just the greatest thing there is! XD Sorry it took so long to update! Thanks so much for reviewing:)  
**anime lover: **Thanks for the idea! XD Sorry it took so long for the update! And thank you so much for reviewing!

Whew! Onto the story now:

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_(I won't...) So follow your bliss, it reads on my chest. (...be saved.)  
(I won't...) I know I got it tattooed for a reason. (...be saved.)  
(I won't...) I shut the door and, turn all the lights out. (...be saved.)  
(I won't...) And listen to all the songs that the night shouts. (...be saved.)_

"I want to go home now." Ritsuka was avoiding all eye-contact with everyone currently in the room. Soubi stared on at Ritsuka, half in happiness for finally having him back, and half in sadness for the way he was presently acting. He yearned to tell his Sacrifice what he had wanted to say on the night that the boy went into the coma, but he wasn't sure if right now was the right time. Ritsuka seemed a bit shaken up at the moment, and he figured the least he could do at the time being, was listen to what Ritsuka had to say to them all. "I want to go home." he repeated once more.

"I'll inform the doctor that you've awoken." Soubi smiled. He could very well tell that Ritsuka was very troubled at the moment, but he found that he couldn't help but smile at the boy. He was just so happy to finally see him awake. Soubi left the room to find the doctor -or a nurse at least- leaving Ritsuka with Youji, Natsuo, and Kio. All was silent for several minutes, until the sound of Natsuo's footsteps were heard walking up to Rituka's bed.

"Welcome back, Ritsuka!" he smiled, "How do you feel?"

"Like shit." Ritsuka replied silently. It was the truth, though. He felt like crawling into a hole and living for the rest of his life. His arm was terribly sore, he decided, looking down upon the bandage that was covering the long cut going up it. Natsuo noticed this,

"So what happened there?"

"Nothing." Ritsuka answered quickly, averting his eyes to his other arm. "I just want to go home." this line was said more slowly than the last. It was Kio's turn to walk up to Ritsuka. He wasn't going to take much more of this sulking. The kid had been in a coma for _three_ days for God's sake! And all he had to say was that he wanted to go home?!

"You know, brat. Sou-chan was really worried about you!" At the mention of Soubi, Ritsuka covered his ears and shut his eyes as if to block out the whole world. Why couldn't he just go back to where he was? He had been happy there in that vast sea of water. His heart had stopped fighting with his mind after a while, and he had completely given up. He had been _happy_. Why couldn't everyone just leave him alone?

"I want to go home." he said more sternly this time, clenching his teeth. Tears started going down his cheeks. He was _sick_ of this. Sick of _everyone_. Kio, taken aback by the boy's actions, looked at Youji and Natsuo as if they could do something to stop his crying.

"We'll make sure you get home soon, don't worry." Natsuo had his hands on his knees, bending down a bit, as if to look into Ritsuka's eyes. He could not see they other boy's eyes though, for they were covered with his hands now. At hearing these words from Natsuo, Ritsuka removed his hands from his eyes to look at him. Ritsuka's expression was one of anger and happiness mixed together. He moved his legs so that they hung off of the bed. Natsuo moved back to his original position beside of Youji as they all stared, wondering what would happen next. Ritsuka's feet hit the floor silently, and he began to walk toward the door, a bit wobbly at first, leaving the room.

"Aren't you going to try and stop him?" Kio questioned the two boys, looking on at them in disbelief.

"He wants to go home, so he's going home. It's none of our concern." Youji shrugged.

"What about Sou-chan? What are you going to tell _him_?" Kio voice rose a bit.

"You didn't stop him either. It's just as much your fault as it is ours. We all know that he doesn't want to be here. We_ should_ find Soubi and tell him, though." It was as if Youji was psychic at that moment in time, for Soubi just came back into the room.

"Where's Ritsuka?" were the first words out of his mouth.

'I know mother will be angry. She surely hasn't been to the hospital since I've been in a coma. I know she will either be angry because the _real_ Ritsuka would never do such a thing as this.' he though, looking down at his wrapped up arm, 'I was a bit afraid of this reaction at first, but not anymore...' At this point, his focus was no longer outside of the bus window, but was focused on un-wrapping his bandaged arm. The cut looked fairly deep. 'How could I not have died?' he sighed, 'Maybe mother will punish me until the point of death this time.' Ritsuka was sick of life. His mother didn't love him because he wasn't the real Ritsuka; Soubi, he had decided, had never loved him. The only people that slightly cared for him were Yuiko and Yayoi, but he knew deep down, they would eventually grow to hate him...everyone always did. Kio would be glad if Ritsuka was gone, he figured, he would then have Soubi all to himself. And Youji and Natsuo, they really didn't care for anyone except each other. So why would things be any different with Ritsuka gone? The bus finally stopped at a street near his home, so he climbed off. 'If mother doesn't end me, then I'll just have to try it again myself.' was the thought going through his mind as he walked in a slightly quick pace toward his long-awaited home. 'Nothing can stop me this time, Soubi is probably just _now_ figuring out I'm gone.'

"What do you mean he went home?" Soubi asked the three people in the room with him, trying to keep his composure. Had his mother come to get him while he had been gone? No. She knew not about Ritsuka's condition, much less his whereabouts.

"Just like we said. He got off of the bed, and left to go home." Youji said plainly, leaning against the wall.

"Why didn't you stop him?" Soubi's voice was starting to sound panicked. What if he had gotten kidnaped, or worse. What if he had tried to end his life again?

"He wanted to leave. You could tell he wasn't happy here. Why should we stop him?" Natsuo answered for his partner, Kio just kept quiet on the matter. They were right, Soubi realized, why should he force Ritsuka to stay in a place he clearly didn't want to be? Because Seimei had ordered him to look after Ritsuka and to love him. But no, it was more than that now. He _loved_ Ritsuka, despite Seimei's order. And he had yet to prove that to the boy. _That_ was why he needed to find Ritsuka. At this point, Soubi said no more, and merely exited the room without another word, walking swiftly to the hospital exit. He was going to find the boy that he loved, the boy that he hoped beyond all belief was alright.

"Ritsuka? Where have you been?" his mother sobbed on Ritsuka's shoulder.

"I'm sorry mother." was his solemn reply. He knew what was coming...just a few more minutes.

"R-Ritsuka?" she lifted his cut arm to look at it. "What happened? Did you do this to yourself?" her voice began to rise. 'Any second now...' he closed his eyes in preparation. "You did, didn't you?! You're not Ritsuka!" she screamed, "Give my Ritsuka back, you're not him!" her hands encircled her son's throat. "Give him back to me!" she sobbed. Ritsuka couldn't breathe, he truly was not getting any oxygen. And as much as he wanted this, it hurt... and Ritsuka cried. He wanted so bad just to end this pain for good. Suddenly, his mother let go of his throat, and punched his hard across the left cheek, causing hip lip to bleed. She continued to do this, and Ritsuka couldn't help but defend himself as he raised his arms to his head. She knocked him down this time, both of them still crying. "Give Ritsuka back!" she sunk to the floor and covered her face with her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. Ritsuka knew it was over for now, and so he got up with much difficulty and left to his room. He could feel his cheek was swollen as he wiped the blood away from his mouth. His right arm was already turning grossly colors of black and blue from being pushed down. On his way to the floor, his arm had hit a nearby table. He somehow found himself still crying, but this time for a different reason.

"Why didn't she kill me? I was so ready to die, so why?!" he yelled at himself, reaching in a drawer on his desk to get a bandage for his cheek where his mother's nails had scratched the side if his face in the process of punching him. But when he had opened it, something caught his eye. Something that he believed proved better than a bandage at the moment. A pair of scissors. Wiping the tears from his eyes he opened them, holding them dangerously near his already penetrated wrist. A noise came from behind him, distinctively, the window. And before he had time to turn around, the scissors were snatched away from his hand, and he was pulled into a strong embrace. He knew instantly who it was. He was _not_ going to put up with this right now. Not when he had been so close. With all the strength he could muster up, he shoved the figure that was holding onto him so tightly. It barely did anything though, the person just kept holding on tighter to the boy.

"Ritsuka, please..." Soubi began, only to be shoved again. He felt that Ritsuka was crying. "Please, just listen to me."

"W-why should I?!" Ritsuka half screamed and half sobbed into Soubi's chest. "All you ever do is lie! It was all just another order! You don't really love me, so stop trying to pretend that you fucking do! That's an order!" he struggled to get away from the stronger male. Soubi released him a bit, so that he could look at Ritsuka's face. It was tear-stained and so...broken.

"Just listen." teary violet eyes were looking into clear blue ones as Soubi continued, "I never got to finish what I wanted to say that night." he paused for a second, giving Ritsuka time to reply if he wanted to. But seeing that he wasn't going to, the man continued, "My order to love you _was_ by Seimei, there's no denying that fact. But after a while, I realized that Seimei's order was not what was controlling my feelings." At hearing this, Ritsuka looked a bit surprised. Was this just another lie? Surely Soubi wouldn't just say this. Even Soubi, he knew, wouldn't want to hurt Ritsuka this bad by lying to him about something like this.

"R-rea-." Ritsuka could hardly get out what he was saying because even though he didn't want them to, tears kept rolling down his face, "Really?" he finally got out.

"Ritsuka." Soubi's expression was one of relief as he smiled at Ritsuka. "Please explain to me what happened." his voice was soothing and he had finally released the boy a few minutes ago, sure that he wouldn't run away. He wiped a tear away from Ritsuka's cheek, and held his hand out to him. Ritsuka looked at Soubi's hand, and slowly placed his own on it. His heart had won...

"Soubi..." he began. He had thought about this deeply. As to _why_ he always got so angry when he thought about Seimei's order to love Ritsuka. There was only once explanation, he decided. "I'm not sure about this...but I think I love you." He blushed a bit. They were both sitting on Ritsuka's bed while Soubi proceeded to bandage up Ritsuka's new wounds. "But of course," he looked away toward the wall, "I'm not sure if that's what it is or not." He _was_ Loveless after all. How could he know if these feelings were love?

"Ritsuka..." Soubi said softly, bringing Ritsuka's face back around so he could look him in the eyes, "It's ok to love..." he smiled. Ritsuka found tears coming from his eyes again. Why did he have to cry so much? He wondered. These were not tears of sadness this time though, he knew. These felt like...tears of joy. He felt complete, for the first time in his life. Or what he could remember of his life anyway. "Because I love you too...truthfully." he planted a small kiss on the boy's lips, pulling away and wiping the tears from Ritsuka's cheeks.

"W-when I was in the coma, I could hear your voice calling out to me." Ritsuka admitted to the man, "My heart wanted to believe that it was all going to be alright, but my mind just kept telling me that it was all an order." Soubi had finished bandaging the boy's wounds. "And even now, Soubi... I don't know if I can believe if it is all really just an order. Or if you love me like you say you do. But...my heart wants to believe that you really do." he paused, and he moved closer to Soubi, "And that's ok with me." he smiled, and kissed Soubi shyly. Soubi took him into his arms.

"I love you...Ritsuka."

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Yep...it's over. FINALLY, right? lol Review or my precious Rutou will send his kittens to eat your knee-caps off!

Rutou: Umm...no, I won't. I promise. ::sweatdrop::

You will... O.o


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